Just One Look Forum Archives

Everybody cries for something, needs something. Most need some form of admiration, or comfort. They might call it love. To me it feels like there is war. And I was taking all in, somehow. But today something happened, I said: Leave me alone with all this. I have had enough. And I have a baby, she is two weeks old. She is needy sometimes, she cries. But she is so peaceful. She is not in this madness, in this vortex that consumes the souls. And after my decision I could connect with her directly without resistance or limit. It was so amazing to experience that. Not sure I make sense though.

Hello Cytex,

Congratulations of your newcomer! I felt I had to comment on this. I don't know if I'm speaking of the same kind of thing or making any more sense myself, but this connection thing seems to be increasing slowly, which of course is nice. As you mentioned that she is not in this madness, this brings in my mind our two cats. I've always loved animals, but after the looking it's so fresh and satisfying just to watch them do whatever just because it's so innocent. And of course before I was so restless so my patience ran out pretty quickly to even see and feel these kinds of things. This same connection sometimes happens with people, but I would say that it only happens when I speak in person with someone. It feels our roles drops down easier when there's only one person to speak to?

Anyway, good luck with the little one!

You make total sense. I've noticed the same thing as you say connecting directly and without resistance and especially with children. It's been an amazing learning experience to be really close to my grandchildren since the looking. They are experiencing life directly and without fear of expressing all their feelings and thoughts about things and I see they really enjoy being with me because I encourage their spontaneity whether expressing anger, sadness, joy, etc. I also observe when they start manifesting anxiety, fears in different situations. I find them very open to reminding them to look at themselves and feel the sense of "me" and that they have control over where they put there attention. Of course I use age appropriate simple ordinary conversation to convey what I mean. Also they feel my calm presence and recognize they too can remain calm. Congratulations and enjoy a wonderful adventure.!

I would just like to add that it is with children I have had the most success with sharing the looking. The walls of protection resulting from the fear haven't solidified yet in their personalities. I guess only people who come to this website are ready for this direct suggestion and perhaps fewer who whether out the recovery period stick around. Anyway with children it is so obvious the sanity and engagement with life that is possible if more of us did the looking.

Thanks Maureen. I can see that my other daughter of 13 benefits from the looking, similar to what you say. I am not sure whether my son got it - he is 8. Do you think there is a minimal age? I think the best moment to tell them about the looking is when they suffer.

This is so interesting. I work with children of all ages who have learning disabilities. I have suggested the looking to older kids I work with who are suffering. I am fairly sure both my daughters have done the looking. My older daughter has blossomed in the last few years into a much more self-reliant young woman. Never thought to use it with younger kids, but it makes sense. I would think that a child would have to be developmentally mature to do the looking, with self-awareness and inferential thinking abilities. This would develop at different ages. Can't hurt to try. I believe it would be apparent if they could or could not do it.