Just One Look Forum Archives

HI PEOPLE,

I am much intrigued by John's suggestion that some people may be tempted to avoid social contact at a certain point during recovery

and this has certainly happened with me. But let me clarify that human contact does not repulse me in any way.

However I am not, to be honest, someone to whom social contact has ever been an absolute necessity. I am a loner. I have been that way all of my life.

I make no apologies nor do I now as I have in the past seek psychological insights into my nature. My nature is to write and this is by itself is a solitary task. It involves being by oneself for periods of time to which our culture is now no longer accustomed. We must be in touch with each other every second lest our very existence fall into question. It is a pitiable state in my opinion.

However to get back to the point, I feel more and more that the contact with others is a nurturing thing which I now actually seek out rather than avoid. I don't seek it out consciously as the impulse to withdraw is always there and I can sense it.

Am I right in thinking that this consciousness of doing the act of withdrawal is a way forward so that I am no longer at the mercy of this impulse even though it may play itself out most often without consequence?

Sounds terribly convoluted but there it is......

Hello raindog,

from one loner to another : to me this urge to withdraw has been with me since my childhood, and as such is a deeply engrained habitual response. A response to something that holds very little meaning to me anymore - it hasn't for quite a long time actually, but that never diminished the urge. Now, however, human contact is becoming a natural phenomenon in which I can find joy when it occurs. But either way is fine, the necessity of 'being a loner' rarely manifests anymore, and the social rules surrounding this need, or the opposite need, appear very trivial now.

I hope this provides some answer to your question.

Wouter

Like you, I also have a tendency to isolate going back to childhood. In the past, my need to find a solution to life would drive me to engage in activities. (Even so, I see now that I was rarely in any real, true relationship with anyone there.) With the need to seek gone, I have taken a good look at this tendency to isolate as it still plays out. Lately, my circle of contacts has shrunk to mostly immediate family. I have noticed that weeks go by without me contacting, even by phone, people I care for.

Rather than being a sign of recovery, this isolation feels like not engaging life fully. Since this isolation does not feel nourishing or healthy, I suspect it is still part of the defense mechanisms from my past that thinks I will be hurt if I am open and honest. Now, a desire has arisen, not just for contact with others generally but for a deeper engagement with a few; not quantity but quality. I am drawn to go into new territory of truly being open and revealing to these few. After all, what do I have to fear?

Perhaps this is what you were referring to as now being conscious of your withdrawal being a way forward.

Thanks for your post. As you can see, it was very timely for me. Lera

Seems like a sign of going sane.

To me people have always increased anxiety. And thoughts say i use the looking as a excuse to avoid social contact. But i guess the natural way to be will show itself regardless of how the thoughts say one is and should act.