Just One Look Forum Archives

My title pretty much sums it up. I feel like I'm going to though another period where I'm encountering quite a bit of stickiness. Old feelings, thoughts, and patterns are popping up left and right, stuff I thought I 'worked through'. It's the same old roller coaster ride just a little more in my face right now as I'm going through a heavy period of transition which is adding fuel to the fire. I guess what is surprising and delightful to me at this moment is that I don't feel like I need to do a damn thing about it. I used to want to dig and dig and figure out what was wrong when my life got really intense. Now I just experience the show. All of it the good, the bad, and the ugly. Fully. Knowing that things will spin out as they do and life will keep moving on.

I've realized how much I was missing when I shut down to avoid pain in the past, when I avoid relationships with others because they cause me irritation and pain--or cramp my style. By allowing everything in I'm experiencing much more depth and richness in my relationships with others. It doesn't always feel good but at least it feels honest.

Sometimes I feel like a fraud when I share with others how much my relationship with my life has changed. Like I'm making it all up or lying to myself that I really am not this comfortable in my life. That it should look like something else or the the shiny goal of perfection is still out there and I need to keep trying to attain it. But then it passes and I'm still here.

Love,

Natalie

Thanks for sharing Natalie! Your statement, I guess what is surprising and delightful to me at this moment is that I don't feel like I need to do a damn thing about it stuck out for me. That was and still is a great gift and a sure sign that the looking has done it's work. The stickiness is a good metaphor for me because that is how I felt also. Kind of like coming unglued. In my case I had 25+ years worth of heavy duty superior intellectual, emotional, and spiritual knowledge that, come to find out, was stuck to me like glue, or a cocoon maybe, to keep me safe from life. It still bothers me sometimes that none of my superior knowledge and understandings have any bearing on life itself. They are effects. In my personal experience the ability to focus attention is the only skill I want to keep in tune these days, but even that seems to be taking care of itself.

I can relate to feeling like a fraud too. It is hard to talk to people who are still imbued with the fear of life about how you feel. I get raised eyebrows and "that's interesting" from many. I think that what speaks the loudest is just living naturally. But if you were addicted to saving the world (which was really me trying to save myself), like I was, it is hard to be patient with people. I'm just now starting to see how life will speak for itself eventually, in a much more effectual way than I could have ever imagined. So I guess patience could be a good idea to remember.

Best

Mike

Hi Mike

This really resonates. I'm finding that i am more able to just let people be who they are and be where they are at, probably because I'm able to do that for myself. I definitely have a long history of trying to save others especially in romantic relationships. I realized that by focusing on fixing others that I was just trying to avoid myself to save myself. I still get frustrated and irritated listening to people complain about the same old things over and over. It's hard to understand why they choose to suffer when there is a solution that is so simple. So thank you for your reminder of patience. I have had a few friends who have checked out the website and are interested in the work so we'll see if it grabs them. My dad even did the act of looking.

Today I had the insight that I actually trust my life. That I feel at home and fulfilled in ways that I could have never imagined, just writing this makes me cry because I feel so incredibly grateful to be alive. I used to have a wonderful intellectual understanding about what that word meant, TRUST. Now I actually understand what that means. By being patient and just allowing whatever comes up to come up life has a way of working itself out. It's pretty cool.

Natalie