Just One Look Forum Archives

Hello,

Today I was thinking about recovery and the moment the fear of life occurs at birth. It seems they must be simultaneous since this sense of me has always been there even if I wasn't aware of looking at myself most of my life. I remember so often now that I look back being totally engulfed in my fears and anxieties and then too powerful moments of a strong pull to sanity and finding something to change the direction I was on. Perhaps this was going back to school, therapy, meditation, always a sincere desire to find what felt more real or human within what was available. This was all that interested me.

So I think the recovery has always been happening and will continue to unfold. It's just that now the focusing of my attention is clear and not scattered all over the place. Once this simple act is done the pull to rest in myself is well absolutely wonderful. I feel less the urge to fight with any phenomenon that arises. I keep feeling I'm me, nothing special, not in any esoteric sense.

It does take a lot of energy to uphold these ideas I had about taking care of others, loyalty etc., so they rise up and then soon fall away. Responsibility is fun when it's not clouded by fear.

Wishing you all well,

Maureen