Just One Look Forum Archives

"Reflection is for mirrors" - Johnny Lee Miller on Elementary

When first coming into contact with 'the looking' in June 2012, and after the first conscious, deliberate look at me, there was a time of great enthusiasm. I believe many here have referred to this period post-discovery as the Honeymoon Period, and even though I am absolutely no fan of the emotion of enthusiasm, it was fun to be more lively and spirited and to become so engaged in helping to spread this simple idea of this simple act with such an enormous potential. Enthusiasm has been an enemy of mine as long as I can remember, probably being the leading cause for every embarrassing situation I have ever put myself into. So I was glad when that feeling started to wane and give way to a calmer perspective on this new yet so familiar part of me. However, with it died every need for understanding. It's hard not to be vague about it, but all motivation for understanding and dealing with existential issues and living as a human being just withered and died never to return. Of course this also meant that any need to discuss such matters became completely obsolete. I had no further questions, and the only answer that mattered was already available - all else was just decoration. It seems that after the honeymoon came life - my mind no longer needed to occupy itself with these matters and instead started focusing on stuff. Stuff that was and is in front of me. This became very clear to me when I stumbled upon a quote by Robert Frost : "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Life goes on because I'm (in) it, and since there was no longer any reason to question why, how or what that life was, the only questions were the one life presented. Everything became practical - even regarding old, useless ways of thinking that came into being a long time ago when protection against life was primordial - and talking about 'the looking' and all that jazz just didn't fit that bill anymore.

The obvious elephant here is that I wrote a post on the forum with the title 'Why I stopped posting on the forums'. I can't really find a concrete explanation for why I feel like being an active member of this community again, but one thing I do know is that there's no other one like it on this planet. And that its purpose is of a very practical nature at the core. Like John says, we're all in this together, and we're all here for a reason. We need to be here, because life needs us to be. Maybe it's a symptom of looking at yourself, maybe it's human evolution manifesting on the personal level, maybe I feel guilty about heading up the hills... whatever it is, I feel I have to be here in some way, to help this thing grow and gain momentum in whatever small way I can. And this need is not born from enthusiasm, but from the understanding that no one will come from above and solve life.

I sincerely hope that what I just wrote is of any value to someone.

Wouter

FluoSmurf:

I love your post. Your authenticity for me is an aspect of what is looked at when we do the looking....not that it is seen....anymore than the rest of the no-thing that is never not here, yet it is where you are coming from. As John says, " I am very familiar with that experience". .....and when you say that here I am posting again and suggest some possible reasons for that, again I am familiar with that "point of view" as well. That is my point....that it a matter of points of view. When we "look" at our situations or circumstances, we are looking from a point of view. When we notice that one of the features of being human and having human perception is that we typically perceive from a point of view that is consistent with the "Identity" that is relating and reacting to the situation, however when we notice that it is a point of view, and notice that all points of view are valid and add up to the total picture, then we can exercise our ability to look from any point of view. So then what point of view do we act on? You answered that one.....the point of view that is useful given what we are up to. If what we are up to is to have life work and a world that works for everyone, then to participate, regardless of the different points of view held by others, or points of view that justify heading for the hills, is appropriate....not necessarily comfortable, consistently challenging, and yet very much an expression of the fact of our being related to all other human beings and sharing in our collective situation.

Thank you for a very useful contribution to this conversation.

Love

David

Just read FluoSmurf's post and feel compelled to write a bit. I've actually been thinking about this since I listened to John's session on Sunday.

My experience is similar to yours, fluosmurf. One day I got a feel of myself as a child and then a taste of myself now and "whoosh". Suddenly I saw it..nothing had ever affected "me". Oh words are SO difficult. I won't go on and try to describe the experience more..I just can't do it justice. Well, the next morning when I settled in to meditate and read ,I noticed that 35 years of spiritual searching and yearning had also gone "whoosh". Wow.. I was really blown away and also very enthusiastic and high. My desire to discuss these matters endlessly also disappeared and took some real adjusting, patience and attention when with my friends.

Long story short. It's been about 10 months and seven of those months I have had my 85 year old Mom living in my house. It has been just amazing to realize that had this happened even a year ago, I would have been a mess. But, it's just life.

About 3 months ago I began to feel a bit empty and detached and saw my sarcasm and bitterness creeping in. My thoughts were hounding me about "Oh my God , you've lost your sense of compassion" even though none of my behavior changed. Eventually I thought...what the H--? these are just thoughts! just life ...whatever! Are you still here?

It did continue for awhile and tried mightily to get more attention . Suddenly about 2 weeks ago...whoosh..another change. Gone..and yes I like this "me" more but guess what? that will change too! I am simply never not here...I occasionally still "look" but now it seems like me just hums along in the background instead of fear. (which still makes a bid for attention).

Early on I dubbed the taste of myself as "the permanence " and now I affectionately refer to myself as "permy me". My husband is in on the joke and we have a good time with it. He's also a fan of the looking.

Thank you FluoSmurf for your posting and I hope my rambling is of some assistance to someone. Love that Robert Frost quote so I will repeat it. It's on a sticky on my desktop. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

Plus another one of my favorites from John "understanding is entirely optional....it produces nothing!"

Love Annieo

Very interesting and relavant! How long can we go on looking at ourselves without nodding off! It can become subtle to the point of the ridiculous. I get the overall suggestion that we can look at how we're creating our own realitiy and we have the capability of focussing our attention else where when we feel so inclined....i.e., if we're experiencing anxiety/fear/anger etc. we can snap out of it by using our innate ability to redirect our attention....no big deal and very doable. Talking about it for years on end seems counter productive and makes it seem, ironically, harder than it truly is. It's like working a muscle and, from my experience/perspective, it shouldn't take years on end. I'd like to get to the fruit of this excercise and move on.......start living our lives with a sense of gusto. We feel fearful but it's not that big a deal!!!!! We also feel joyful, relaxed, bored, focussed, angry, humorous etc throughout each day. These are all just the flow of experience and not all that remarkable. Oddly it seems that talking about the "fear of life" validates it and adds to the laborious experience of having to work really hard ridding oursevles of it. I'm very grateful for John's/Carla's dedication to this site and their interest/excitement/passion about the notion that we can actually live our lives fully and not engage in this programming. I'd like to move into conversations about life as it can be lived and get some feed back from members who've been experiencing themselves in a more expansive and postive way.

Yes this is my experience right now - living in fear/hatred of life and myself, and the battle between lofty ideals and good intentions and those states has no relevance once you see you. They do not vanish and they definitely aren't solved, their activity dissolves over time, and (for me at least) at such a slow pace it's easy to forget where I came from - how messy and contradictory my experience of life was when living it only through mind activity. Talking and thinking about good and bad ideas or ways of life does not produce anything other than more ideas and ways and systems for the mind to squander time on. Life is right in front of me and no amount of scheming will change that fact.

To end with another quote : "The road to hell is paved with good intentions". Truer words have rarely been spoken.

Wouter

It's interesting, I never had a honeymoon, in fact I don't remember the first time I looked. I happened on John's website by accident and I'm sure I would have tried the looking, but don't remember it.....roughly 5 months later I went thru a "rough patch" where I had a long bout of insomnia and where my emotions ran roughshod thru the canyons. I was a mess and could not figure out what was going on. I settled down a bit and gradually realized that I didn't have as much fear about the future as I once had. I was puzzled and befuddled by this and made an effort to figure it out. I traced things back to the looking and began to look "for real". Meanwhile I had jettisoned all my spiritual notions and cleared the bedside table of a stack of spiritual books. It felt like a fresh start and I can agree with the loss of interest in all things spiritual. I remain befuddled. Not sure what to do with my new super power of no fear, or even if it's real. I use the term super power tongue in cheek as it doesn't feel like much, but if I compare my life now with the previous bundle of nerves and raw angst I once was.....it's stunning. Plain old ordinary stunning. I'm extremely grateful for all this; John and Carla's work, the contributions to the forum, the growing community of lookers, and the next unfolding of life.

Cheers,

J

This is a very interesting thread and I don't have anything to add but my appreciation for your posts. Here are some quotes that especially resonated with me:

Wouter "We need to be here, because life needs us to be."

David P "We can exercise our ability to look from any point of view...the point of view that is useful, given what we are up to."

Annieo123 "permy me." Smile.

Pam "...living our lives with a sense of gusto."

Wouter "life is right in front of me and no amount of scheming will change that fact."

Lera

Dear Wouter,

I read your posting and made some comments about it during the Open House on February 6, 2013.

Thank you.

John

After looking just once more reticence may arise initially, but it feels really good to say hello.