Just One Look Forum Archives

I am going to try to write a progress report. It has been challenging for me to do so. Thoughts and insights come, but then they tend to melt into the air. I will just randomly write. Being of a certain age and having gone through some challenging experiences, throughout, and in the last five years, there are certain commonalities I've discussed with people of similar experience.

One of my experiences has been early morning dread, where, before my defenses were adequately in place, I would, frequently physiologically, react dramatically to the pains of imagined imminent financial ruin or deep self-recrimination that if only I'd done thus, thus and thus, I'd be a lady of leisure not concerned about my next financial step or misstep. As you can imagine, this took a fair amount of time and energy.

As I began working with John's directives, there was an easing up of this, but not to the extent or frequency for me to call out a miracle, but still…. More recently, there have been changes that border on miraculous, and even a lot of early morning wake-ups that I could nearly call pleasant, having surrendered to this being my one and holy life and I am living it, marrying, as Niklas pointed out, inner with outer. It's quite an alchemical yet ordinary process. But still….

I think anyone involved in this, unless, perhaps it's been easy for them or they've reached the most blessed states, will acknowledge that it can be really tough sometimes to be pushed back into life feet or bod first, but what's come to me from the early morning sessions, recently experienced as early morning brief dreams, is that existence is pushing a certain resilience out of me, perhaps in a similar matter to how it is for a baby to thrust its way into the world. You got to be tough to get in, and, maybe, for many of us, we got to amp up our toughness gene, not just look for the rose petals to tread through life on. Well, this is one of my recent thought meanderings, and I thought I'd share it, in case it's helpful.

Thank you, John and Carla, love to all,

Marlowe