Just One Look Forum Archives

Dear John and community,

Lately I have considered different ways other than the looking to try and feel better and become more comfortable in my own life (i.e. trying to find out what and who i really am).

It has been about 14 months since I started in the spring last year and although their has probably been less confusion than I felt this time a year ago, I have no big report to tell and still have the exact same anxiety and feelings of misery from time to time, that have always been present for me.

There have been occasions when I have believed that my perception was really starting to take a turn and things were getting a lot better but I think our beliefs are very powerful; whatever we believe is true becomes our experience. However I know that beliefs are vulnerable and as false and true as any other belief.

Anyway (i'm rambling a bit), in the last couple of months I have considered taking up other spiritual practices, one of which is the new age type of spirituality (which is all about fixing our beliefs to make them more positive and have a better sense of self whilst also being connected to 'the self', 'consciousness' etc). However I have an underlying feeling that I really do not want to change myself. A bit like a stubbornness. I say this is a paradox because at the same time I still feel I would like uncomfortable feelings to no longer be here and just like anyone else, thus feel better. There is a way I imagine I would like myself to be which I think is the case for everyone but as I say, there is a feeling that I don't want to change myself for people and like it really doesn't matter! I hope some will understand what I am saying here. I understand it could sound confusing.

What I am wondering is, do you think this is result of the looking? No longer wanting to change myself or others to feel good. What is confusing though is that the feelings of alienation and not being good enough etc. are as prevelant as ever.

Up until I began the looking, between the age of 16 and 24, all I ever tried to do was find ways to change myself and feel good. Now the drive doesn't seem to be their any longer.

It could also just be a laziness because I can't be bothered to try and change myself and things and am just dependent on the looking doing its work.

Would be good to hear if anyone else has/had similar thoughts about this.

Thanks for reading.

George

Dear George,

I read your posting and made some comments about it during the Open House Meeting on January 22, 2014.

I start reading your posting at about 00:00:40 (40 seconds in).

If you have any further questions or comments, please post them here.

Thank you very much for your contributions.

John

Hi George, Im no expert but this is how I like to see it - Maybe enlightenment isnt about ridding ourselves of negative thoughts and feelings and instead feeling good all the time. Maybe its more about knowing deep within that feelings and thoughts negative or positive are not who you are they are just impermanent shifting phenomenons. Allowing them to just be there and observing them from a distance takes the power out of them. Like when you have that thought that youre not good enough, recognising it for what it is - Just old conditioning rising. Dont struggle with it. Just allow it to be there and carry on with whatever you are doing. Even have a laugh at it and say "there it is again" We have a choice to identify with it and allow it to drag us into unconsciousness or we can instead rise above it in a sense. It sounds easy but I realise its not. Meditating everyday helps to keep me aware so that I dont become bogged down by these things. I just go about my life knowing that I am on the right road and whatever happens is ok. I dont believe that there is a panacea in this life to take the pain away so that we will be forever happy. Instead I believe that pain is a natural part of life we cannot avoid. We can however avoid the suffering that we create around the pain. Having said that, I have yet to practice this in a moment of crisis.