Just One Look Forum Archives

Hi John,

It seems I have always had a sense that the perceived world is merely a "taste" or the "outer edge" of something more real and substantial. As a young child the feel of the breeze against my face or the sound of birdsong at dawn brought up feelings of joy and rapture that remain indescribable. While in my teens I became interested in spiritual matters and esoteric practices, such as meditation. But, after graduating from high school, I focused more on cultivating a social life, setting educational goals, traveling, exploring nature, and having "fun" experiences in the world. Enjoying my wife and, later, our children, became the main focus of my life for another large block of time.

It seems I am just now pulling out of a very challenging period of time that began about 8 years ago--about the time I turned 50. I started having nerve-related difficulties and, with them, became quite worried/anxious about my health and with aging in general. I also felt very weighed down by mounting responsibilities and a pervasive, non-differentiated fear of being in the world. During this dark period, my wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor, became critically ill, requiring radical surgery, and died in March of 2004. During the aftermath of her death I often felt overwhelmed by grief as well as remorse for not more loving with her during that most difficult time. I also struggled with the challenge of raising my children while not being at my best.

These last couple of years could be characterized as an intense and focused return to my search for God or Truth. I have read and studied a vast (often confusing) array of spiritual works/methodologies and done a great deal of meditating and praying. I recently came across your website, and have downloaded and begun reading "Look At Yourself". I am keenly interested in teaching you so graciously share and that towards which it points.

I just thought I'd put my little story out there to let you know I'm out here in the world, listening to you, and receptive to any feedback you may have for me.

Thank you, John, for all you've done for me--and for so many of us.

O.

I read this email and talked about it at the Worldwide Online Meeting on February 12, 2011. You can listen to the entire meeting in our podcast. Please let me know if more is needed.

In love,

John