Just One Look Forum Archives

Dear John and Carla,

I have just finished my first listen of the 2010 Retreat. I know that I will listen to it many more times. I cannot thank you enough for the effort, time and patience you both put into communicating this vital message to all of us.

I have been a rather quiet part of the conversation for some time now. I would say, since 2006, I have been fairly involved and since about a year ago, more consistently and directly involved. The looking is a big part of my life now. I am at the point where it happens quite naturally and regularly. Since the very first time I heard you speak of this, I actually knew what you were talking about and was able to follow and do what you said. I had a long history of following teachers' instructions with abandon, so it was easy for me to listen to you and then do it. And, yes, you have become clearer and clearer over time. My experience of the looking has deepened over time. And my ability to catch the nuances of what you say has improved. I guess this is one of the blessings of relationship.

I run the food and beverage division of a hotel here in Dallas, so often I cannot be a part of live meetings, but I do them when I can. Always, though, i listen to the podcasts and participate that way.

My gratitude to both of you is boundless. I know that it is a small gesture, but I hope to continue with financial support as the year goes on. it is the least I can do in return for all that you have given me.

I have nothing too astonishing to report at this time except that after a decade of intense spiritual searching, all of the striving to find, collect and own spiritual teachings is just dropping off like snow falls off of a roof as the sun begins to shine.

Old fears still arise. Lately, my partner has been pushing us to sell our tiny little condo that we have lived in for ten years and upgrade to a larger house here in Dallas. There is a fear that drives a certain financial carefulness that actually has served me well through the years. Throughout this experience, I am watching things unfold and enjoying the up and down play of emotions. Everything is shaky. That is just how it is in this world. The hotel that I work in is shaky. Ownership could sell at anytime. They could replace me at anytime. The restaurant I run within the hotel is shaky. Sometimes it is busy and sometimes it is not. Despite my best efforts, I seem incapable of effecting any kind of significant change to any of this. Throughout it all, who I really am is untouched. It is this that I constantly these days try to come in contact with... and then back into the parade.

One of our beloved dogs had a bout with pancreatitis this month. He is thirteen years old. It was very scary for us both. This is the first time he has had a serious heath crisis in his long, beautiful life. There actually was a sweetness to the tears, the fear, and especially, his recovery.

Normal life things that I am actually and as I write this, surprisingly enjoying.

I thank you again, I will continue to be in contact and I am very proud, grateful, and intrigued to be a part of your community.

More soon.

Love,

Brian