Just One Look Forum Archives

My name is Helene Habberstad. I am 43 years old. I live in Oslo, Norway.

I came across the looking through a friend that was familiar with the act of looking, and I had my first "look", December 2008.

At the time I was very identified with my life, especially issues around failure and success, and had seeked his support. I got connected to a childhood memory. It was me, 5 years old, the same and unchanged me that was listening to the words from my friend. Following that, in that same moment, a whole parade of images from the past showed up. They were all extremely different. The only thing that was not different, was the experience of me. I was all the same.

A sudden insight was revealed, that no matter what had happened in my life, I remained the same. I had never been hurt, harmed or helped by anything that had happened in my life. In that brief moment that it happened, it was such a feeling of recognition and amazement. It was an almost ungraspable, profound truth. So simple, and yet so unspeakable. The next morning in the shower I looked again, just directly to that sense of me, and yes, I was undoubtedly here and unchanged.

I was amazed of the insight in sensing and experiencing this, not first of all the fact of getting a glimpse of me, but that I consciously could turn my attention towards that experience of me. And WHAT I saw didn't matter. This me, something so subtle, so easily percieved as nothing to pay attention to, like focusing on the white paper for a moment, not the words typed upon it. And in the looking towards that me-ness, realizing that this is the one and only thing in life that is unchangeable. The truth and simplicity in this act was mind blowing.

Before this happened, I had doubted almost anything that could be doubted in my life. My qualifications, my intelligence, my worth, my work, , my love, my relationships, and my willingness to live, basically doubting anything and everything. I was restless and anxious without any apparent 'reason'. I had been interested in spiritual teachings since the age of 13. Searching and seeking for something I didn't know. Just a persistent hunger to understand and to get the bigger picture, something that could ease the hollow feeling of not being at home. And a desperate need to know, that "there's got to be more in life than this!?"

I could feel the relief in looking towards something that is undoubtable in life, in me. Seeing the me-ness that is permanent. It is all a matter of focusing attention in such a way that I can get a momentary taste of it.

I started to listen to the podcasts, and found them highly interesting and intellectually challenging. I was touched by John's persistency in to keeping the message simple and down to earth. It attracted me.

These three years has been very strong and intense. In some ways things got emotionally more painful. It has felt like the volume was turned higher. I didn't doubt the looking, that was clear. But I was impatient with myself and I couldn't understand why I still found myself struggling, not feeling at ease or in peace with life. I discovered (and still is discovering) a lot of false beliefs around how things should be, having found my way to the looking. One, was that the looking should immediately clear up my fears and discomfort towards life. And it didn't. Life and my experiences off it just got more intense.

I have kept on looking, and I have kept on listening to John. With the looking, I have another ground of consistent sanity to tap into, and the feeling of having direct access to truth is very deliberating. I am not at stake. Wow!

I think that most of the tips that have been brought in over these years, have been of help. Especially to connect to a vivid childhood memory and to feel that I am just as then.

I now find myself in another state of acceptance with life and myself than before. I am accepting the fact that the body- mind apparatus has been programmed and conditioned to believe that life is something to be feared. It takes time to unwind that imprint.

I love the way the looking takes a natural part of my life, just turning the beam of attention inwards and getting a brief taste of me every now and then. For me, there is a certain physicality to it, a sense of me that is known and familiar, and it is very effortless. Sometimes it happens by itself, in a brief moment I become aware of nothing else than me.

It seems that just by doing the act of looking everything settles by itself. The effects of it is appearing in different ways. The most important is that I deal with life in a more heartful way. I know underneath it all, that I am not at stake and therefor resources and creativity is more at hand. I know I am here to be alive and to live my life. That supports everything I do now. And that also grows my capacity to allow life to unfold through me and around me, with me playing along with it from a deep sense of meaningfulness. I have found more skilful ways of dealing with unpleasant and difficult things. There is a foundation of trust beneath my experiences, even the very painful ones. I feel wide awake and I do NOT long for going back to sleep. To be in this human experience is far to exciting!

Thank you, John and Carla for bringing this beautiful work to humanity, and to everybody that are giving time and space for this in their lives. I am very grateful.

Love,

Helene

Dear Helene,

Thank you so much for your report. Your words resonate very much with my own experience. Thank you for sharing this with us.

Love,

Dawn

Thank you, Helene.

Vicente

Helen,

I am fairly new to this. Could you please tell me that when making an attempt to look at yourself, is it recommended to keep the eyes closed?

Thanks for your help.

Kale

Hi Kale,

I thought I would answer your question, since Helen may have not seen your question yet. For me, sometimes I keep the eyes closed, and sometimes open. I find it doesn't really matter. I feel like me regardless. The "memory trick" is really a good one - to think back to a moment at any time in your life, when you felt like you. Your eyes can be open or closed, it really doesn't matter. I used to feel that "I" was right behind (or even inside) my eyes, but now it's more like I encompass the entire energy field of my body and head. As the looking has progressed, I find I don't need to look for myself in a location - I feel myself as being here, and that's enough. The emotions, thoughts, and bodily feelings/perceptions come and go, but I always remain. The only thing I really know for sure is that I am here. How or why I am here, those remain a mystery.

I hope this helps, Kale. You can't make any mistakes at this, so whatever you feel like doing with the looking at you is fine. Just let it lead the way for you.

Love and blessings,

Jenny

Hey, Helene!

I really enjoyed hearing your report, it really mirrors mine! I've been doing the looking since 2008 also. Good to hear from Norway again, I've been there four times and love it very much. You have many beautiful places in which to sit quietly and bathe in the wonder of You!

All the best, Sam.

Hi Jenny,

Many thanks for your response. This feeling/hum of me is ever present in the back ground and it becomes all the more evident when attention is focused on this me-ness. It is more like a feeling of being here. Your response that one can't go wrong at this has put my mind at great ease. I will continue on with the looking and let it lead the way.

Thanks again. Love, Kale.

Thank you. I love it!