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Dear all,

I'm writing with a report. Last night as couldn't sleep.

I got pneumonia right after Thanksgiving, coming home from visiting friends and hearing them tell of the great suffering in their lives. Lately I'm experiencing that if suffering appears in an another human being, it appears in me. It's as if that membrane between me and the other has been reabsorbed. It's all me. I cry a lot for people.

John says, You can expect that you will be sensitive to the suffering of others because it's the suffering of you and you may suffer with much more intensity than you have in the past because there's no refuge from you anywhere, it is yourself--all of it.

I laid awake for 4-5 hours. So, I decided to use the time, and I began practicing a meditation that John has given — it's a simple breathing in, noticing the breath, and exhaling--counting ten breaths. I counted on the exhale and during each breath, if thoughts intruded, I said thank you and returned back to breath number one.

When I arrived at the tenth breath, I focused my attention on the internal sense of what it feels like to be me. Just me.

As I breathed, I noticed a fear thought arise about the way my body is feeling, or a thought about what might happen to me, and each time, I dropped the thought, went back to the breath, and--this went on for 4-5 hours, always bringing my awareness, my focus, my attention, back to my breath.

And before long, the thoughts morphed into the awareness of presence, of me and I began to see so clearly that all of this is me. The feeling of sickness in my body is me, the painful cough is me, the fear about my body/my life is me, (what an ancient one this fear of my own life is!), and it is all beautiful, it is all me. This silent, resting, aware, present me. All me. It was a miracle.

Last night, as I breathed and watched, all of me became this space of presence, of essence. Every thought of me dissolved into this awakened presence that is just there, just looking, with no opinion, no fear at all, and I slid, completely safe, even in all of the meanderings of my thoughts, into the presence of me.

It is so simple. It is so beautiful and I am so grateful. I am not in this state all the time, but I know "I" am there, I know I am always present in everything that arises and departs in this life that I am living. It is all me.

With love and gratitude,

Dawn

Hi Dawn,

Thanks for sharing your report. The increased sensitivity that I have experienced definitely came as a shocker at first. The suffering was intense sometimes but I also noticed that the joy got an equivalent boost too. I had a lot of moments of laughter and tears thinking "so this is what it feels like!"

I've had some long wakeful nights too and found myself meditating for hours on end. It is so fascinating to watch thoughts and sensations drift by without the stickiness I was formerly accustomed to. All me, all harmless to me.

It's so nice to read about your experience.

Love,

David

Dawn and David,

It is reports like these that keep me going. Well, maybe I should say that pick me up. I'm committed to this course and confident about the ultimate outcome (most of the time). I've been looking for about 18 months and on the 1-10 recovery misery scale, I think my recovery is running about 7-8. But so what. I've had a taste of what I can expect in due time and I'm excited.

Thanks,

Steve