Just One Look Forum Archives

Deep down, I think that if I were a truly competent and effective person, I would not be interested in this practice. At the age of 48, my life feels like an impossibly tangled ball of yarn. I can't straighten it out knot by knot, so my only hope is in solutions such as the one that John offers. Any thoughts?

I used to think I was a truly competent and effective person defined by the lack of drama in my life. My life was comfortable with solid, long-term relationships. (I've been happily married to the same man for 48 years.) But I was still searching when I came across John's looking. I still felt a hole in my heart that I couldn't explain, an ache that wouldn't go away. I'm mentioning this to say, it doesn't matter how the life looks--tangled or not--if we still fear life. And the medicine for that is the same: look at yourself.

Lera Jane

First, there is no "deep down." Second, I count myself as competent and effective (at least most of the time) and am interested in the practice. More interested in it than in anything else, as a matter of fact. Third, you may feel that way about "your" life being a jumble, but that's merely one of the threads of yarn. Fourth, you can straighten things out, but you've got to do it knot by knot. The "knots" you refer to are the tendencies and predispostions arising in reaction to the circumstances. You can deal with them as you would turning over every rock you encounter and bringing to consciousness that which you resist. The underlying fear and anxiety, however, can be dealt with by the looking, which will dissipate the misery and suffering (resistance) you may be experiencing. Once that goes or diminishes sufficiently, the need to improve yourself goes or diminshes and you'll relish the opportunity to straighten out the tangle. You can start by making a list and ranking the things that plague you and compare it in a year or two. After all, it took you 48 years to accumulate all the conditioning you've accumulated, so you've got to expect it will take some time to become the polished mirror you are. Those are my thoughts. Enjoy the trip! Trimpi

Hi ww5555,

I really resonated with what I heard John say in videos and podcasts: that you really don't have much to say about the stuff that comes your way. It can't hurt you and it can't help you. The recovery process happens on it's own, and the stuff (knots) that come and go are beside the point. And I have found in my own experience that all this stuff takes care of itself, one moment at a time. I don't need to get more tangled up in knots by worrying about the knots that are already there. Just take the medicine and let the Looking do the work.

That said, there are times where it feels like you need to take some action regarding a situation or circumstance - and you do the best you can at that time. You'll know what's necessary when it's necessary to know it. Other than that, the knots will untangle themselves when the time is right. The medicine of Looking will work, and there's no effort needed on your part to make it work. So my point is, don't fret over the knots--all is well now, despite appearances.

Jenny

Dear Jenny and all,

When I read your words, Jenny, all the knots inside of me just relax and once again I realize that all I ever need do is remind myself to look again and/or that I am always looking--this idea of taking the medicine by looking and the idea that I am always already looking--are almost simultaneous now.

And this is true even in the difficult things that arise for me. Somehow, what used to appear as a knotted, impossibly tangled ball of yarn which was my life, now appears to me as a knotted, impossibly tangled ball of yarn--which I am so grateful and willing to see: is my life. It's just what is. It's not a problem to be solved any more.

Dear ww5555, all I can offer you is John and Carla's simple, simple idea: Just One Look. If you are writing here, you have most likely already tried it and the medicine is already working. If you take it the way you take an antibiotic that the doctor gives you--with the idea that somehow it works behind the scenes of your illness--you may begin to notice that your experience of your illness -- or your life in this case--is changing. And, like John says, and I'm misquoting here, but it's in the ballpark: the end result is sure. You will be (and already are) safe in your own life.

With love,

Dawn