Just One Look Forum Archives

I have been doing the looking for three and a half years and now after many ups and downs, I am finally clear that it has brought about some wonderful developments in my life. I have been so skeptical all along, especially after having hoped against hope time and time again throughout my life, trying this method or that, only to find myself left with the same anxieties and fears I had started out with. Today I am surprised to find that the resistance and anxiety and anger are slowly dissipating, being replaced with a growing sense of lightness and humor and okayness about the way things are. My interpersonal relations are smoothing out bit by bit. This week at work, when somebody projected her pain onto me, instead of it being a messy, upsetting experience, it turned into a joyous experience and an opporutnity for intimacy.

However, I have been experiencing increasing forgetfulness, to the point that it affects my functioning. I have been scatterbrained my whole life, but now I feel like things are getting out of control. I am wondering if this couild be a (temporary) result of the looking. I also have a very low level of serotonin of which one of the symptoms is a lowered level of cognitive functioning, such as the deteriorization of short term memory. Or am I simply experiencing plain old ordinary dementia?

I would appreciate your comments or hearing about your experience.

Thanks,

Nancy

Hi Nancy:

I think you question is a good one for sure. One never knows for sure what causes these kinds of things so of course checking with a physician might make sense but it wouldn't surprise me if it is a by product of the looking. My experience has been that I am generally less vigilant towards life since I started the looking. At one time I felt that I had to keep everything on my radar less I miss something, make a mistake resulting in, I don't know what.... Reprimand, embarrassment, humiliation. Etc.

Since the looking.... I am not as concerned about making a mistake, saying the wrong thing, keeping all my ducks in a row and, as a result, I miss things, forget things that I otherwise, "never would have allowed myself to forget" prior to the looking. Maybe this is nothing more than a lovely by product of the looking that allows you to give yourself permission to be human and not have to cross your T's all the time.

Just a thought.

Keep well.

Paul

Hi Nancy,

I too find I am more forgetful, especially of mundane daily tasks that require multi-tasking. (I have been looking for almost 5 years.) I find I can attend more fully to one thing and ignore other things almost completely, even when I need to attend to them. This causes me to set timers and make lists to remind myself. I am 68 years old so I suspected it could be age related. I was getting a little concerned about it when my sister told me about Lumosity.com. Lumosity allows you to improve memory, attention, flexibility, problem solving and speed with scientific brain games on line. After playing about 15 minutes a day for 4 months, I have improved my scores in a reassuring way and I am surprised to see my second highest score is in memory. I doubt this will translate into better multi-tasking skills, however, because I now think my intolerance for multi-tasking IS related to the looking. I don't have the interest or the desire to juggle several things at once. I also doubt this is temporary. So, I will just continue using my timer and notes. Lera Jane

Hello Nancy,

Lovely to hear from you. I am enjoying all the voices on these forums very much.

I can certainly second what Paul says. I find that much of my life I navigate by fear. The fear of life in me causes vigilance, checking and control. My experience of (very) recent days is that without this map of fear overlaid on my life, there appears to be more apparent chaos and indeed, as you say, forgetfulness. However, life feels more spontaneous and present. The cost of being present for me has been being willing to let go of some of the 'regulation'. It seems to work out in the end.

Best wishes,

Emma ~

Thank you all so much for your replies. They were all very helpful and even reassuring. My mind would like to make me believe that I am alone, and an aberration. In reading your responses, I realize that forgetfulness isn't necessarily a sign that I am deteriorating.

Nancy