Just One Look Forum Archives

Hi guys,

I often think that the effect of the looking hasn't quite done what it promised: I still feel the fear of life and consequently keep it at bay. This much is true today. However, it is important to look also at John as having done more than I often give him credit for.

Firstly, when I came across his message I had overlaid my humanness with neo-advaitic concepts. 'There is no doer', 'you are not the body', and 'suffering is an illusion' were part of my vocabulary. I have to say that the fear of life was still so strong that I would not say these things outside of a Facebook context with privacy settings excluding anyone that might think I was, well...nuts. You see I still wanted to be accepted, liked and respected by everyone. I am in a position in life in which I can be of service to a lot of suffering addicts and alcoholics and in the past I felt very grateful for that. However, I had begun to deny the beauty and great opportunity of such a blessing because I had learned that social action was in some way nonspiritual as it implied action, positing the existence of others and admitting that yes, there is suffering. Coming across John has meant that I can embrace the opportunity of being of service and I can enjoy the fruits of my action.

Secondly, I had denied my being by trying to see past myself and come to the understanding that I do not exist, that I am just a thought to be gotten rid of. Surely that can't be good for self-esteem! I know see that I am not be seen through as some fake illusion but I am to be looked at. I do not yet know the results of this change but from what I hear, they are good.

Thirdly, the anti-intellectual bias rife in some spiritual circles took hold of me and I begun to avoid thinking critically about things; to question what seems crazy and absurd. Having a brain is not the problem, being able to question the logic of some claims is not the problem, having thoughts is not the problem. What a relief.

These three points have not come about as a result of the looking but merely by listening to what John has to share regarding his experience and vast critical engagement with the subject of man's search to find freedom from suffering. Spiritually incorrect as they may sound to one versed in Advaita, they are made clear by an honest look at what we are.

We do experience ourselves as free agents who actually exist in a world in which there are others who suffer. Denying this is denying what it is to be human and the opportunity to be of service . I know this today prior to having experienced the effects of the looking.

Thanks John and Carla.

Love and Light,

Daniel

Dear Daniel,

After the initial look at yourself, keeping life at bay will diminish gradually with recovery. For some, more gradual than for others. It took me four years to notice the changes. There were changes before but I failed to notice them because I was expecting something more dramatic; and also, in an effort to avoid false positives I missed a lot of true positives.

It's good to have you back sharing your gifts in the world. Joseph Campbell's quote, “Follow your bliss,” speaks to the fact that joy comes from the natural match between our gifts and the needs in the world. Lera Jane

This thread inspired me to write about something I've sensed before but had not expressed: there is a mechanical nature about the looking. What I mean is that it works independently of your thought process. It sort of goes around it, and I guess for that reason is unconcerned with motiviation, strength of conviction, analysis or understanding. This does not make it less miraculous -- more so, really -- for you can be relieved of some of the hard work you envision in creating the version of you that you most desire. I'm not suggesting it will transform you, but that is a secret hope we all share -- that it willl improve our ability to be successful in our endeavors. I am saying that since you are going for that anyway, you might want to realize that it doesn't matter what you may think, because the looking is going to work regardless. trimpi

Hi Daniel,

Thanks for your report. It caused me to think about how insignificant the fear of life is, or was. When I first met John I was ready to check-out after 25 + years of seeking. When I heard him say that "nothing we have tried works" I knew he was right, in that symptom management does not affect a cure for the problem. I also believed him when he said that the fear of life is not a big deal: 'huh! puny fear of life I shalt destroy you now!' was probably what I was thinking back then. Today I can honestly say that I could have never imagined the simple outcome of the looking as it presents itself these days. "Too simple to understand" is an understatement. My guess is that the fear of life left me early on without any noticeable consequence. However, karma has momentum, I think, and the unwinding of it was/is a slow but inevitable process.

I was reading Emerson's "Self Reliance" again recently and was floored by my understanding of what he was struggling to say in such complicated language. Personally I think that the fear of life left him and Thoreau and Whitman and Ramana and they all tried to tell us what it felt like, but the difference is that these days I just enjoy what some of my hero's had to say, naturally, from the inside out, as opposed to the desperate grabbing of knowledge on the outside and trying to stuff it in. I'm also starting to realize that the effects of the looking are not anything new, really. It's just that not being haunted by the constant unrelenting unconscious fear of life allows for a feeling of freshness and wonder to come to the surface a lot more often, over time.

I had an affinity for Advita stuff too for a while. Much of it just makes sense to me now, in a non-desperate way. It seems to me though, that whether my personality existed or not, was entirely dependent on which personality was saying so....

I'm reminded of something a friend of mine says a lot: "Your Maya may vary." I've actually seen this idea to be true in this forum, in that everyone's recovery varies. I'm sure that if you try with all your heart to do this simple act, your maya will evaporate, slowly, and perhaps painfully as it has/does for me, and that the outcome will be forever moving but without the chronic sea-sickness of the fear of life.

thanks for being here and speaking up.

best

Mike