Just One Look Forum Archives

I came across John a few weeks ago and I've been trying the looking. Concurrently I've been listening to the podcasts, and some of what John says has provoked me. I found myself comparing what John said to the traditions in general. John warns us not to do this. Of course I protest. Is he claiming to be the only one who is right, and all the others wrong? I presume not. So, with a monumental exercise of humility, I decide to heed him. And then I find all the precious treasures of Mysticism, Buddhism, Christianity, Neurophysiology, NLP and all the rest, which I have accumulated over many years, have turned to dust in my hands. And I feel both bereft and rudderless. And at the same time strangely liberated, as if all the barnacles have been scraped from the hull of my boat. All I am left with now is the looking. And all I 'see' is 'me', just myself, kinda lonesome, kinda familiar, just sort of 'here'. Not a Presence, or God, or the Holy Spirit, or Buddha Nature, or any of that. They are third parties, someones else, not me, nouns describing other objects ( and God knows I have accumulated enough trinkets).

This is just me. And all the traditions and religions have forbidden me to look for just me. Me, ego, they say, is the source of evil and suffering and delusion and desire, and all the wicked stuff. I should be looking for God or Atman, who are so much better than little ole me.

And then I think, maybe you're right John, maybe nobody else is pointing at the plain and simple truth of just myself. And seeing as how all my diamonds have turned to dust, I've got nowhere else to go but home. Put the kettle on.

Welcome Joe!

Thanks for sharing your experiences. When that life-raft of teachings go it is a bit disorienting. And what are you going to do with the shelf space now? I love your barnacles analogy by the way...

Best wishes to you,

Emma ~

Welcome, Joe... Have a cup of tea and stay awhile. I look forward to getting to know you.

Bill

Beautiful. I had shivers reading this. I'm so happy for you. I experienced the same thing and all is well,

Maureen

Hello Joe:

Thank you for your posting. Your poetic way of writing is very refreshing. I totally get your reaction to John's assertions about the spiritual context and his distinguishing this act as different. I think it is important to simply notice in your own experience that what we are is not "spiritual", that is just another conceptual tag that brings with it all kinds of trips and ideas that are simply no more the "experience" than to call what we are any other name. Like the Tao that is called the Tao is not the true Tao. It appears to me that you have already done the act of looking and that what you are sharing are aspects of the recovery process. My experience of the wisdom traditions and all of the spiritual teachings, especially some of the new teachers around is that it is all "wonderful", not necessarily useful in terms of having the experience of the natural state, and non the less wonderful and beautiful, just as all of life, people, and the world. I have found that when the looking does it's job, everything has a place and everything is in it's place, nothing is really a problem, yes there are things that need to be addressed and that is in it's place too. One thing is for sure, the end is certain, once you have done the looking in the end everything will work out fine.

Stay with us here in the forum, come to the online meetings, participate and join this community in bringing the good news to humanity. Freedom from the fear that has crippled us has finally arrived in this simple act of looking. Find this out for yourself, then all will be clear.

Love.

David

David,

Thanks for that, it really helps. I'm beginning to see that I am refugee, all washed up with the spiritual trip. I went to my first 5 day Chan Buddhist Retreat, almost a year ago, and when I was there I looked over at the nine faces across from me, a similar number on my side, looking a them. It hit me like a thunderbolt, the only 'insight' I got in the whole 5 days- 'if you people think that torturing ourselves like this, is going to lead to liberation, you are deceiving yourselves.' What was more, neither of the teachers, nor their Chinese master asserted 'satori'. I admired their faith: the same blind faith my parents had in the Church, when I was growing up in Ireland. (What an amazing and terrifying mythology that was, with which I am indelibly marked).

But that was the beginning of the end for me. No wonder I stumbled on John Sherman, having exhausted the usual suspects on the Advaita scene. And here I am, a 55 year old Consultant Psychiatrist in private practice in the South of England, in the beautiful New Forest, playing John's Look at Yourself to my patients, instead of (or as well as) medication, Cognitive Therapy, Psychotherapy. You see, I know now that what has haunted me has not been the neglect and abuse (there was some of that), but the fear of life itself. And tablets and a bit of positive thinking are not going to touch the sides of that beast.

So maybe the time for the spiritual friend ( as opposed to guru) has come. I am aware of the risk to us of placing John in some place of reverence, and forming a religion around the chosen one. And I hope John has the humility to carry his burden lightly. Excluding other traditions from the mix is possibly a good idea, as I trust John when he says that stuff is probably a hindrance (of course there can be no hindrance to what has always been, but I am happy to leave that muddle by the road side).

Any way , all we can do it look at ourself, out of the corner of our eye, for a tenth of a timeless second, knowing that after all the travelling and searching we were going to end up here. Myself alone, just here, monarch of all I survey. And you too, in your majesty, 'like the angels of whom some scholastics speak, that there is only one of each kind'.

Thank you

Dear Joe,

I too came to John's message after years of spiritual searching. And, before that, years of personality searching (I have a masters in Psychology which I now think I obtained to try to figure out what was wrong with me.) I look back upon myself BEFORE all those years of searching. I truly doubt I could have heard John's message then, without any context. I was so much in denial, knowing too much. I wonder if I would have even tried it.

I agree with John that our spiritual understanding lengthens the recovery period. But my searching, the lengthy recovery, must have been necessary for me because it happened. It is what it is for each of us. I just feel grateful for the eventual outcome and I trust that it will become easier and faster for others in the future. Lera Jane

Joe:

Well, well another therapist. I am a psychologist with a small private practice. I was a prison warden and a Forensic psychologist for 32 yrs. You can see an interview with me at batgap.com, interview #100 for the whole story, or YouTube search for david parrish. Now that John is making reference to the condition, the fear of life as anxiety it is clear that as people who work with patients presenting complaints of depression, anxiety, and many other illnesses that contain these symptoms, that using this method to address the fear of life is powerful. I have started introducing it with my patients and have seen remarkable, surprising results. Another therapist in our community is using this method in his work in Canada. By the way I am near Philadelphia.

At some point it would be interesting to have a meeting online with the other therapists who are using this work to discuss its application and efficacy and perhaps work on a paper to present it to the larger treatment community. It is very clear to me at this point that what John has come upon is actually the simple act that works to end the context of fear in which life is typically seen and reacted to, this is so obvious when you look at the news and the listen to people talk.

Good to see you hear. Please keep posting, and consider a meeting at some point as therapists to further discuss this valuable work.

David Parrish, Psy.D.

Media Psychotherapy Asssociates

Hi David,

I really enjoyed watching your interview on BAGP, it gave me further reasons to carry on looking. I begin in September an MSc in Addiction Psychology at London South Bank University after having finished my BA in philosophy. I have benefited from the looking in ways I have described on this forum.

I will keep you posted as it sounds like a great idea to get involved at some stage.

Kind reagards

Daniel

Joe:

"You can see an interview with me at batgap.com, interview #100 for the whole story, or YouTube search for david parrish. Please keep posting, and consider a meeting at some point as therapists to further discuss this valuable work."

Hi David,

I am enjoying this conversation, and I, too, watched your interview on batgap, and I wanted to ask a question about that. It seems that when Rick, the interviewer, asked you about exactly how to do the looking, and you responded and he did the looking--that when he spoke afterwards, there was what I have often experienced when I share the looking with others--an expression of "well, that is really nothing, isn't it?"--I heard the sound of doubt. Did you hear that too? Maybe it was just me.

And if so, it is most likely a reflection of my own doubt--altho' my own experience now is really not doubtful--it is absolutely fulfilling and rich--I am "seeing" old programs of ways I have held my life in a certain shape by thinking of it in a certain way. On a recent trip to Amsterdam, I became aware of how I rush through experiences--and I could see how it is an old algorithm--the fear is dismantling all by itself, just like John said it would. Recently, just the sight of a dogwood tree with pink blossoms in my yard was so crystal clear I wept. I felt as if I'd never really seen it before. And I'm beginning to notice a separation between the way I've thought about my life, and just being present in it. And the presence in it is so fulfilling that I feel satisfied. And enough.

So, back to the interviewer ... I am wondering if once someone has looked, if that is enough--just that one look--or does it take our conscious awareness of it, or don't we really know the answer to that question at all ;-). And even if others don't seem to jump on our Forum to share their journey--the perception of joy and pain of recovery as the looking uncovers the truth that nothing has ever happened to us at all--that the looking has done its job.

I think I ask this question b/c I often feel a "let down" when I describe this to others. As if it is so simple that more is expected of the telling of it, the experience of it. I know others here have mentioned this same issue. And maybe it would be helpful to all of us to know how you experience the sharing of this with others. As I am writing this, I am seeing again...this is just what it is. It is this simple, and maybe that's what the "issue" is. That in the sharing of this, we are sharing it with other minds, and minds want a lot of thoughts, ideas, concepts...etc. The looking is none of these...it is just the simple act of looking, and maybe once that is shared... We have done what we can do, and it is up to each one to live into it or not. The frustration I might feel is just a fact, as John might say. Yes?

I'd appreciate your thoughts. And P.S. I loved your interview--I felt very connected to your journey through the prison system in trying to bring awareness there. It connected with me in my journey through the newspaper/magazine/publishing world, trying to bring awareness. This outward meaningful urge to connect with others has always reflected my own most imminent need to find this connection within.

With love,

Dawn

Hello Dawn,

Thank you for your post and comments. You hit the nail on the head. My experience in talking to people about this simple act and it's revolutionary result is that it often lands for people as being too simple to produce such a complete transformation; the experience of the natural state, often confused with the idea of enlightenment (usually referring to a temporary, preferred state, mistakenly considered the fulfillment of being human). After all until now people have related to this possibility as requiring much time and effort, a guru, devotion, practices, grace, and in some cases many life times.

I commented in the interview that when I first heard of it, the thoughts that occurred were that it sounded like a gimmick, and that it was too simple. Also, given the context of fear that is so common that it goes unnoticed, it is considered "smart" not to take anything to be true and to be suspect. In my view if anyone commits to the looking with deep sincerity, or as John says with all of your heart, in time the power of this simple movement of attention to the experience of "me" reveals itself to be all that is required, and if done with the sincerity and intent of an actual "action" vs. a thought of acting mistaken as the act, it only requires "just one look" to set the recovery in motion.

In my case, and I suspect this is the case for many, the context of unconscious fear resulted in my living in my head. For many years I did not know what an experience was, I thought it was what happened in my head, i.e. thinking about experience vs. actually experiencing it. This is the condition of holding life at arms length. Keeping the experience of life at a distance. As the looking does it's work the distance closes and the experience of life occurs, this is the fulfillment of a human life to me.

I think the bottom line is that the only thing to do is invite people to do the act of looking, to invite them to find out for themselves. As John pointed out "self reliance" is the most important thing. If someone hears of the looking and finds out for themselves if it works and if what others report is accurate, then there is no need for understanding how it works, or believing what anyone says.

The key is talking about this I think is to talk simple and direct and clear that this is the medicine that ends the angst in the background that has left us yearning for "something", and sensing that we are missing something. Given the condition of anxiety that people live with and the freedom that this simple act offers if they hear it clean and clear, they will really try it, as I did, as you did, and as I sense in my gut humanity will as this message gets out.

Stay in touch here.

Much Love,

David

David,

Thanks for the encouragement. Will check out your interview. In the meantime, I'm finding all my taste for spiritual subjects has evaporated, and I can't be bothered searching anymore. Not that I've found what I've been looking for, but a realisation that I won't find it there. Which is a kind of disorientated and weird place to be. Restless and agitated, with all my usual addictions (both the 'bad' ones as well as the 'noble') not delivering anymore. And nothing left to do but 'look' from time to time. Does this sound right?

Hi David,

I'm still learning how to use the "multi-quotes" so I hope this worked this time in setting off your 2 paragraphs that are so beautiful--so clear.

Yes, this is it entirely--the "experience of looking" vs. "thinking about the experience of looking." The thinking of it was once my constant experience and is still sometimes--but more and more, I am able to readjust the lens through which I am looking--by using my will, or as you say with my heart:

... if anyone commits to the looking with deep sincerity, or as John says with all of your heart, in time the power of this simple movement of attention to the experience of "me" reveals itself to be all that is required, and if done with the sincerity and intent of an actual "action" vs. a thought of acting mistaken as the act, it only requires "just one look" to set the recovery in motion.

Recently John reminded me to use the mindfulness meditation of watching your breath, which I have used, but I often don't get past breathing out and counting to "two." When I told John this, he said, "don't worry about that--it's like lifting weights, the point is not to get better at it, the point is just to do it." He told me that doing it strengthens the awareness of what's happening in your mind.

And John reminded me in those cases when I feel this isn't enough, to use another "tool" (when I feel that I'm failing at doing the mindfulness) which he called analgesic or pain-relieving--which is "to open the eyes of your attention and look at the experience that is occurring with no purpose in mind at all except to experience it." And that begins to "de-fang" that entire construct. He said to do it with the intent of just seeing it... not getting rid of it.

Thank you so much, David, for your insight into this looking. This is all of it: the doing of it vs. the thinking of it.

With love,

Dawn

To Joe and everyone on this thread

I hope this contribution is helpful to people who are just starting on this journey or are feeling spiritually disorientated.

I had an interesting experience today which I think is an important one for this thread as it has demonstrated to me the power of this in a real way. I like Joe have been doing this for a few weeks with a lot of success. Following a VERY difficult work situation today I kept telling myself to 'Look' to try and get a feeling of panic under control and I could not do it, in fact I could not even get it together inside sufficiently to be able to look. As soon as I was able to leave my desk I did, I drove a short distance to somewhere quiet and went back to basics using the guided looking youtube video saved on my phone as this was the only way I could make this happen. What was interesting is how compelled I was to do this- in fact it was the only thing I wanted and needed, I was desperate to be able to find the space to do this. It instantly pushed the issue away from me. I will go back to basics for a few days and use the video exclusively as I believe this will be very stabilizing. Although distressing short term the fact of being so compelled to look shows the power that this holds. I believe I will be fine again in a few days if I work on this- which I will.

Joe, I think John is right, certainly the 'looking' message is right. I hope my experience above helps other people who find themselves in a similar situation, especially for those of a spiritual inclination who may be finding that meditation etc just is not doing it for them.

Fiona

Thanks Fiona,

I,too, use the little clip to help me when I can't seem to be able to concentrate. Actually, my experience seems to be less encouraging than yours, at the moment. I'm finding that not only have all my spiritual ploys been exposed, but even the looking presents itself as a waste of time, and I feel like I've entered some sort of desert. And I've become aware of how I try to make that desert bloom with all sorts of behaviours, addictions, diversions. And there's a pervasive sense of ennui, of boredom, waiting to be temporarily filled with the latest dodge. I'm assuming this is normal?

Joe,

I have no idea what 'normal' means....and I am VERY pleased that you have mentioned this so as I myself do not know what to do...

I have posted another thread called 'Lack of focus' which you may have missed, this is the other side of the story. I probably should have put the lack of focus issue on this thread anyway. I find the looking incredibly useful for managing panic, I have drugs for managing panic which I have not needed to use for some time. Since panic a few months ago was a big concern this is very useful. I am also reducing the need for sleeping pills.

A big change I have noticed in myself (which is not helpful- in fact it is dangerous in my current life situation) is that I am unable to focus on my work and less importantly boring housekeeping or any other tedious matters.- I can't be bothered with it at all and I am struggling to concentrate. This has never been an issue for me before. All of my life I have been highly focused on both interesting and mundane tasks and been able to deal effectively with whatever has landed on my desk, certainly publicly this has always been the case. I have always had the ability to adopt a 'tunnel vision' approach to things that just have to be done. The things I would prefer to do have always been able to be put on one side which is not very healthy but often a necessity in the real world.

I now have no discipline whatsoever and can find plenty of application for the things that I find more interesting/ stimulating so this is not a 'can't focus' issue it is a 'don't want to' focus problem which feels extremely irresponsible and juvenile. This is a completely new experience for me which I have no coping strategy for at the moment. It is very disconcerting. I don't feel I am having any kind of break down or anything of this nature. In fact I feel pretty relaxed- too relaxed as things are piling up which I need to do- especially the less attractive tasks.

That said I can cope with the real mega crisis very effectively, probably because I am not panicking.

I am unsure as to whether it is dawning on me that my work is futile, I am in a no-win situation, a realization that I am bored, unfulfilled etc or something else- it is the something else that is the concerning bit...Whatever the work situation may bring/ take away I have a family that depends on me to support them so I have to find a way to get myself sorted out with regard to the above. I am quite happy to be enlightened as to my dissatisfaction with the status quo as long as I have the focus to manage changes in my life 'Can't be bothered' is a road to nowhere

I will look forward to your next post on this- your own honesty is really helpful and appreciated.

I started 'looking the first week of May, just out of interest when did you start doing this? I feel that the 'looking' is the right way to go despite all of the above, I have some good ideas on how to adjust my own perspective on this practice which I believe may better manage the above- I will see how this coming week goes and report back

Dear Fiona,

Let me say that I really appreciate and like your posts. Somehow I relate; maybe it's your style of expression, idk. Btw, I started looking around September 2011 or a little before. About your issues:

It's really interesting for me to hear this, let me tell you. Maybe you are coming to have a whole new relationship with values and motivations in life, and in the process you are finding yourself unexpectedly unable to put up with the kind of modus operandi and work style you were used to. Hum. It's interesting, although I'm sorry that it is causing you trouble. I also struggle from this, but it has always been a problem for me, and it got really bad when I hit depression almost 3 years ago, and now I don't even know where I stand. I feel more hopeful sometimes than I have in a long time, but I have more anxiety and thus more avoidance and difficulty getting myself to do proactive things.

Having seen for myself that meaningful/desirable results take a long time to come (still haven't arrived) I usually don't put very much stock in reports of things that occur on a short term basis. But nevertheless similarities of reports are compelling and encouraging. Lack of focus or motivation, seeing through old ideologies, disinterest in past things, whatever it is...these are signs that something is happening that is not just random.

Gerrit

Gerrit, thank you

I just read your 'how to find hope' post. I consider myself extremely fortunate not to have had long term issues with depression although the past 12 months for me have seemed totally hopeless at times. My husband has had depression all of his adult life as has my mother (who is an alcoholic) I have seen first hand how utterly debilitating this can be. I hope a light will soon burn brightly at the end of your personal tunnel Gerrit, I really do. Try to find whatever you hope to personally achieve, once you have seen it keep it in sight regardless of how far away it may seem. I think this means looking first inward and then outward to the outside world

The lack of concentration and focus issues are a concern. What I do know is that the looking is right, regardless of all the issues I do feel like a light has been switched on inside of me it is not burning very brightly just yet but it is there all the same. my change in 'Vision' confirms this, I am seeing things which have gone unnoticed for years. Experiences over the past few weeks have taken me back to my childhood and I know instinctively this is the right place to be, it is almost as though I need to start over and 'grow up' again

Thank you, Fiona. I'm hanging in there. I still have some strength left to manage. Being part of this community helps. I do believe in all of this. And even if I were to die scared and defeated, I know what I am, I've seen that now, and that means something to me. Even if my life is erased, I cannot be erased, and so there's some satisfaction in seeing behind the enemy's curtain, so to speak, that I can't lose this game because I am before the game and I am after the game.

I'm sure that you will get through this focus issue all right. You will do whatever you have to do, so trust that.

Gerrit

Joe, I've just begun at the bottom of this thread so have yet to read what everyone else has said, but just wish to communicate my initial response, which is being touched by your expression, the simplicity, the reduction of it all. I think I arrived here with everything already in shreds, so, indeed, put the kettle on. I feel I'm in good company, Marlowe

Joe,

Thank you for saying so well what I, too, have experienced. Yes, in the past when my coveted diamonds kept turning to dust I wondered what was wrong with me. And now, when I hear people talk about God, Buddha Nature, etc., it sounds so contrived and disconnected from reality. Thank you so much for touching upon two such common misunderstandings circulating among the most intelligent and well meaning people on the planet.

Nancy

Garmisch