Just One Look Forum Archives

And I'm 67 years old. And in the midst of this day (usually one of my favorites, b/c it's a day when I feel more awake, more alive than usual)--I've been experiencing two states: one, feelings of extreme discomfort and bodily distress (ongoing allergies, headache, joint pain and an overall sadness for feeling sick on one of my favorite days) and two, being present in the midst of the magical quality of this day: it's warm and bright, with sun, sky, breeze, birds chirping--a feeling that the world is awake, even if I'm not.

So I seem to be standing on a fence between the way I used to "make" a day wonderful--and the way a day is wonderful without any effort from me. (I'm standing instead of sitting on the fence, b/c that's just the way this personality rolls.)

I hate feeling crummy. I hate not knowing why. I hate fighting with my life. So then I just let it be there. I just look at what is just the case. (I'm doing it now...) And there is the hum of the air conditioning, the sound of cars passing on the street--the light from the car windows that makes a sparkle of light dance around the room, the heaviness in my eyes, the sound of silence in my ears, my stomach grumbling, breath moving, eyes burning--and now, this room with me sitting here typing to you becomes a temple.

I hear the words, "forgive me for I have sinned" and I wonder at them...I see the sin is the separation from me, and I feel gratitude for this life, just as it is surround and support me. Yes, it's all OK.

Thank you all for receiving this message and for receiving me, just as I am.

I am grateful beyond measure,

With love,

Dawn

Very nice, Dawn. Gratitude steps in when interpretation and judgment leave off. I'm happy your birthday is happy. trimpi

@Dawn,

Sorry about your allergies, i know they can suck.

I'm going to try to do this. I don't seem to be very good at it, but I'll work on it.

It's funny that you mention this. One thing that my mind is so desperate for is redemption. Sometimes it's visible at the forefront, but most of the time it's operating in the background unacknowledged. It's painful because, while I so wish I could somehow achieve redemption or make up for or undo my failures and "sins" of the past, I am wholeheartedly convinced that I can't.

I mean, the whole idea of redemption and "needing to make my image of myself the way I want it to be" is so obviously the product of an "insane" mind ardently working on the "project of defense and acquisition". In rare moments when the fear has gone (to the restroom or something), suddenly there is no need for redemption, as if there never was. Somehow my life, as it is, is ok....and I can love it and myself unreservedly. There's nothing that "has to be done/found/eliminated" before love and peace and joy are allowed. But it's only in those fleeting moments.

Thanks for the positive and encouraging report.

Gerrit

Happy Birthday, Dawn,

Thank you for reminding us that it's all a temple and its all good; even when, according to our conditioning, it's not supposed to be. Lera Jane

Happy Birthday! I think this is a day late now, but sending you best wishes from the other side of the world....

Emma ~

Yes

Hello Dawn:

Thank you for this wonderful expression of being human. One thing that I love about this method and it's outcome is that it is not about having it a particular way. As is so beautifully described in your post, it is about having it the way it is. I can so relate to your description of aging, the beauty and the expression of having done the looking is that you experience "all of it", and recognize it all with a "yes". As Judy Collins once sang " I look at life from both sides now". When the looking has done its work it all seems so obvious. One of the aspects of who we are that I love is that who we are is willing to be lost in life, that it is not a threat for who we are to be lost in life; to "hate feeling crummy", in a context of that's not a problem, thats being human.

Your expression is music to my ears. Stick around.

Love.

David

I think it was Joni Mitchell...

Dearest Trimpi, Lera Jane, David, Emma, Gerrit and Joe,

Thank you all so much for your support and confirmation of this reported "enlightenment"--that whatever is... just is. It's so simple. Having you guys acknowledge this is so much help to me. It helps me see my way clear.

I first noticed this about 15-20 years ago when I had a cold, and I found out that if I really truly felt the symptoms without comment from my mind, but just experienced them, that the cold left. Well, I took that as a remedy and immediately tried to apply it to my life in every which way.

Now, I am so fortunate, beyond words, to have the experience of just simply acknowledging what is. I've spoken this image before, but events/feelings/symptoms seem to appear to me as a line of children walking by... and I just acknowledge them. There is a timelessness to this parade and sometimes there is a cloak of suffering which I see I have thrown over them. A cloak filled with emotional content and comment. And when I simply lift up the cloak, there is nothing there but symptoms... children walking by.

I do this better when I'm alone--in conversation or communion with others, I am still challenged to observe instead of react. I think that is just practice. Or maybe there's no practice at all, but the looking doing it, and me observing/reporting the change.

Dearest Gerrit, my heart is always with you.

It's funny that you mention this. One thing that my mind is so desperate for is redemption. Sometimes it's visible at the forefront, but most of the time it's operating in the background unacknowledged. It's painful because, while I so wish I could somehow achieve redemption or make up for or undo my failures and "sins" of the past, I am wholeheartedly convinced that I can't.

I totally hear you, and thank you so much for your comments. I love that you say "my mind is desperate for ..."--this is a great awareness.

I mean, the whole idea of redemption and "needing to make my image of myself the way I want it to be" is so obviously the product of an "insane" mind ardently working on the "project of defense and acquisition". In rare moments when the fear has gone (to the restroom or something), suddenly there is no need for redemption, as if there never was. Somehow my life, as it is, is ok... and I can love it and myself unreservedly. There's nothing that "has to be done/found/eliminated" before love and peace and joy are allowed. But it's only in those fleeting moments.

It sounds to me as if fear is spending more time in the restroom lately! Hang in there buddy, the best is yet to come for all of us!

With love to all,

Dawn

Along these lines, I love this quote: Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. When I first heard it, I knew that was what I had been doing. Holding onto the past, hoping to find some resolution, a better outcome. Lera

Thank you for this. I'm heartened to hear of your success, and I hope things get even better for you however the road turns.

Gerrit

Hello, Dawn, and happy birthday. This is funny "coincidence" to me, if you will. I was perusing the messages and thought, well, I'd check what people wrote on my birthday, such a good Gemini communication day, and I saw your posting and thought, ha! another birthday girl! Then I opened your post, and voila, we actually are the same age as well. ) I empathize with your birthday experience. I technically had a lovely day, at the ocean, with my sons and their girlfriends, but my interior scene was more circumspect. Expectations, giving them up, then being present for what is. A lovely formula. Here's to further unfoldment in the coming year, birth date sister, with best regards, Marlowe

Dear Lera,

This is really a wonderful quote... I can see how the past is never really in the past, how events just keep hobbling along beside me in my everyday life. I love the idea of "giving up all hope" b/c it means that instead of hoping or trying to change these thoughts, or any thoughts at all, I can now notice them as "just here," "just what is."

And it's all OK.

With Love,

Dawn